I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
