why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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