I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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