Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize