I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Let's get the cat blown out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
