that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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