i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
