why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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