There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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