Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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