kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
