My first STD was from a foam party
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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