What did we do last night that was yellow?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
