It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
