it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
