it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
accomplished twins. life is a go
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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