it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
