When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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