I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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