i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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