R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You took a bar mat shot.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
why is half of my head shaved?
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