you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
