I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
