Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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