So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
