Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
