The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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