remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
