When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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