how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
