she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
