i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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