Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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