I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
