"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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