He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
