There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
