I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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