i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
