so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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