We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
