I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
