I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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