We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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