im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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