I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
