Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
