sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Drunk walkin through police station. America
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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