Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
