Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
