Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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