OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Green mimosas i think yes
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
