david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
