Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
