I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
