New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
