They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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