So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
