If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
