awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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