So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
